Unsettled.

it's happening again. i dont know what is going on.
I want to be with you and i need you and then suddenly i want to vomit and cry.

every five minutes its a new song and new direction.
I look at you and think to myself, is this what i want?
is this where i want to be?

you are perfection,
you are everything.

but i dont want it.
or do i?

i dont even know what i want anymore. i dont know how i feel anymore.
every one says that i have no heart and it used to be a joke.
now it feels like a statement.

people say i am afraid of the unknown. that i havent ever had it go so well, so now that it is i dont know how to handle it.

well, honestly i feel like im drowning.
like i am asphyxiating.
emotional lows, with no emotional highs.
everything is dark.

i need you.
i hate you.

I hate me.